Musings of an Unfinished Woman: Blessings amidst the background of depression...

Three months gone…just like that…I finally admitted to myself this morning on the way to work that I have been in a funk…depressed…apathetic…call it what you want…but I’m struggling to pull myself out of it and find contentment, joy and peace in my life. How do you get it back when the hits just keep coming...and I'm not talking about the Top 40 on the radio! It feels like the world is imploding. I think it's worse somehow when your child is affected. Shanna is struggling with several things in her life and today, the budget cuts were announced for her school district. The classes she is passionate about and has real talent in are being cut…she loves music…she plays alto saxophone and the band teacher will have "reduced" hours next year. Band has been a part of her life since sixth grade. It breaks my heart to see these cuts.

Shanna was recently in a hit and run accident (not her fault) and thank God, no one was hurt, but my car was totaled, so we had to buy another car…dealing with insurance, police reports, car rental, and then shopping for a new to us, but not too expensive car….after several grueling evenings and one very long Saturday, we found a used car with 68,000 miles on it. Our new used car needs some work…to the tune of nearly $1000!

Russell hasn't been working every day...in order to collect unemployment, you have to put in a “waiting week” and so far, he’s worked at least one day each week, so no unemployment. I have to remind myself that we have jobs, are healthy, we have our home and we have a great marriage…there are so many people who are unemployed, homeless and living on the edge. It’s scary to realize how close each of us is to losing it all…the loss of a job, the inability to pay your bills, a devastating illness with no insurance. My supervisor’s best friend died on Monday from a prolonged battle with breast cancer, leaving a 10 and 15 year old behind. Her own daughter is going through a particularly horrible round of chemo for cancer…

I have spent the last three months in a fog…I haven’t blogged, scrapbooked, walked or lost weight. Other than working, I haven’t done anything except read and watch TV. I can’t tell you how many books I’ve read…I’ve always loved reading, but somehow these last few months I’ve just disappeared into my books…I don’t read self-help or “serious” novels…I like romantic suspense, contemporary romance, mysteries…and so I’ve escaped (thank you for great used book stores!) into other people’s worlds and lives…where there is romance, mystery, good and evil and nearly always, a happy ending.

One of my blessings is my life group…we’re small, but we have really clicked together…and shared so much. We are currently going through a Women of Faith study called Cultivating Contentment (ironic isn’t it!). I challenged each of the ladies to begin a gratitude journal and everyone has taken the challenge…except me. I think I set myself up last fall with all my lofty goals and plan to transform my life…so I need to start again and be more realistic. But first, I am going to start my gratitude journal here on my blog…

Do you ever feel this way, and if so, how have you pulled yourself together? I’ll have to admit some sunshine and beautiful spring weather would definitely make a difference…this has been the rainiest, coldest winter/spring on record…everything is a month late blooming.

If you’ve struggled with depression, or find yourself in a rut and need to start again, I would love to hear from you…to share and encourage each other. I’ve missed blogging. So here today…are five things I’m grateful for:

The family of raccoons in the tree behind us…they are nesting so I’m sure we’ll be seeing babies soon.

The rhododendrons and azaleas are blooming and are so beautiful.

I just finished coordinating a big seminar…a good accomplishment

Russell is working today!

My IPod…I’m loving all the fabulous music. I need to put together a playlist of happy music.