She's my daughter, but looking us, you would never know it. Besides the obvious differences between us…I’m white, she’s black…she’s ultra thin and I’m not…she is a social butterfly, always on the go with scads of friends and I’m a homebody with a few good friends. I love photography and she never takes photos. I’m organized, almost obsessively clean and neat, and she’s not at all. I cry at Hallmark commercials and patriotic songs and she laughs at me when I cry for sentimental reasons. The two of us together is like dynamite and a match...light it up and anything can happen. Thank God that Russell is so calm and easy-going...he's a good balance for (or between) Shanna and I, although she thinks we're hopelessly old-fashioned and boring (her expressions are priceless)!
There is no one on the face of this earth who can push my buttons faster than she can. She has made me feel the gamut of emotions and has caused me more sleepless nights and anxiety-filled moments than anyone else. I have spent hours in prayer, cried till my chest hurt, cheered till my voice was gone and had so many moments of joy and laughter that my mouth hurt from smiling. She has wounded me more than any other person, has made me more proud than anyone ever has and has angered me to the point where I felt out of control. One of the quotes that I read years ago and didn’t really understand until I was a parent was “Making the decision to have a child is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart walking around outside your body.”
Shanna and her friends have been talking for months about taking a road trip to California. No real plans or dates…depending on the moment and who was mad at who, the plan has included anywhere from four to eight friends. Shanna called me yesterday afternoon at 3 pm and said they had worked it out and were planning to leave that night at around 8 pm. It would be Shanna and three friends. The person driving has a nice (reliable) car and they thought they would be gone until Friday or Saturday. One of them has a relative who works at Disneyland and could get them two day passes. So of course, the organized me immediately starts making mental lists and the Mom me starts asking all the questions…who is going, does everyone have enough money, where are you staying, blah, blah, blah. Shanna didn’t even get home last night until almost 9 pm (so obviously they missed the 8 pm departure time). So there I am with my list…do you have Tylenol, sunscreen, band aids, extra shoes, directions, cell phone charger, etc. Yeah Mom, I’ve got it covered. At 11:40 last night, the four of them left. Of course, I went outside, did my “Mom talk”…don’t use your cell phone and drive at the same time, pull over if you get tired, keep the car locked, don’t talk to strangers, please take some pictures for me”…and off they went, all talking at once, music blasting, so excited they were giddy. I would never in a million years have dreamed of taking off on a road trip when I was 18 and even now, at age 50, am a planner and can’t fathom just jumping in the car and leaving without a plan, reservations and map-quested directions.
Parenting is a balancing act…it’s such a hard thing to let her make her own decisions and mistakes. We are in a new phase of parenting and are trying to figure out reasonable rules, curfews and home responsibilities; to know when to step in and help her make decisions and when to let go. No one will ever describe Shanna as being organized, efficient and practical and no one will ever say that I'm spontaneous, free-spirited or adventurous. I want to take a page from Shanna’s life and be more like her and yes, I wish she was a little more like me…but she’s not. And really, I can’t imagine my Shanna girl being any different than she is.
So today I’m praying for her safety and hoping she has the time of her life. One thing we do have in common is that we are Disney fanatics and deep inside, I’m wishing I could throw caution to the wind and take off for a fun trip with just a moments notice. Maybe I’ll make a list about that. Have a good time Shanna girl and remember to take some hat pictures...a family tradition on all our vacations!
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