Musings of an Unfinished Woman

End of week musings...

Caught this beautiful sunset while we were at my Dad's house the other night. I’m saying a prayer of thanks for air conditioning! I’m not a fan of hot weather (I burn really easily and get heat stroke and terrible headaches when I’m in the sun too long). When we were house hunting in 1993, we happened to stop at an open house in a lovely neighborhood that I said I never wanted to live in before (I thought the school district was crappy)…and of course, we fell in love with the house. One of the things we loved was the air conditioning, something we’d never had before. 17 years later, I wouldn’t dream of living without it. It’s as essential as heat in the wintertime. Yes, I’m cold half the time but I can bundle up or take a hot shower and get warm.

It’s finally cooled down after several weeks of hot weather and the mornings have been deliciously cool…great walking weather. My hubby is happy with the cooler weather too… I may have mentioned before that he’s a UPS driver. What most people don’t know is that UPS trucks are not air-conditioned (even in Arizona or those other hot, humid states), which means that on a 98 degree day, the back of his truck is HOT (usually up between 130-140 degrees. He got a second-degree burn on his arm from one of the shelves last week. One of the things I was really conscious of when we owned our scrapbook store was how hard those driers work and how hot they get in weather like this, so I always had a cold bottle of water for our driver, Mark, who still is a driver! Last week one of his regular delivery stops had a cold bottle of Gatorade for him…which made his day. It made me think about the “random acts of kindness” that we can each do to make a difference in someone’s life. I’ve been thinking a lot about how I can leave my mark on this world. The book “In a Heartbeat, Sharing the Power of Cheerful Giving” has given me an awareness about of the countless opportunities we have to touch someone’s life in a positive way, whether it’s just a smile and a happy greeting, helping someone load their groceries in the car or buying the next person in line their beverage or meal. It doesn’t have to be a grand gesture…someone gave Russell a cold Gatorade on a really hot day after he hauled 25 cases of paper up a flight of stairs to their office. He was so thrilled to get that cold drink and a thank you. I am challenging myself to look for opportunities to “cheerfully give”.

One of my favorite things about summer is the wonderful fruit. The grapes and strawberries have been especially delicious this year. Costco had yummy blackberries and raspberries yesterday when I went shopping. My aunt and uncle had a cherry orchard and it was such a treat to eat the cherries right off the tree. I remember my Mom spending a lot of time every summer picking fruit and making peach and strawberry freezer jam and canning fruits for the winter. At the time, I didn’t appreciate how much work went into preserving food. I don’t have a photo, but I have a picture in my mind of the shelves in our basement full of canned peaches, pears, etc.

After months of not feeling good, being so sore and achy all the time and other “symptoms”, my chiropractor (who is absolutely awesome and gives a great massage before every adjustment) told me that I needed to see a doctor. So after a huge round of lab tests (10 vials of blood, the most ever taken from me in a 24 hour period!), my doctor is referring me to a rheumatologist. In the meantime, I am taking a muscle relaxer and if needed, a pain medication to help me sleep and alleviate some of the pain. The process of elimination now begins…it’s seems clear from the lab tests so far that I have some type of auto-immune disease. My symptoms are similar to that of fibromyalgia, but they have to do more tests to figure what I don’t have in order to figure out what I do have. The good news…my kidney functions are better than they’ve been in over a year. Still not normal but the reality is that they won’t ever be “normal” again so I’ll take what I can get.

Have been taking early morning walks…sometimes I start out so slow I feel like a 100 year old turtle but after a few blocks, I can usually pick up the pace. Love walking in the mornings when everything is still covered with the morning dew and the neighborhoods are quiet except for the few early risers. Every morning I pass a house where an older gentleman always greets me with “Top of the morning to you miss”. Love it. I’m on the lookout for something to carry my cell phone and house key. I have some comfortable workout pants but they don’t have a pocket. I don’t listen to an IPod on my walk…the sounds of nature provide the background music I need to pray and reflect. I tried a small over the neck purse yesterday but that was just annoying so I’m searching for an armband accessory. Cathy Zielske has been on a quest for fitness this year and some of her accessories and workout clothes are (in her words) “Oh for cute” (Isn’t that a sweet expression). Anyway, I am not a fitness guru by any means but am working on staying active. Am going to try a new water aerobics class that is offered more often than the one I’ve been going to.

I am getting together with a couple of friends for a scrapping get-together on Saturday. Not sure if I’m going to scrapbook (it’s hard for me to scrap and talk at the same time!), so I may work on cards…maybe even Christmas cards, but I know for a fact that M&M’s and yummy snacks and food will be part of our day!

The ugly side of life

This is not a typical blog post full of flowers and praise for my wonderful world. It’s a dose of reality in all of its ugliness but I feel compelled to be honest. Life isn’t all rainbows and sunflowers. Sometimes it’s hurt feelings, angry words, lies and bad behavior.

I just finished reading a truly fabulous book that I highly recommend. It was written by Leigh Anne and Sean Tuohy, titled “In a Heartbeat - Sharing the Power of Cheerful Giving”. If you recognize the names, then you’ve probably seen the movie “The Blind Side” which is one of my all-time favorite movies. This book was an absolutely engaging, powerful book on giving, and the power of one. It was not about how much money you have but what you do with what you have – your money, time and talents. Giving and making a difference in the life of just one person can have far-reaching effects. The book also included a lot of the Tuohy’s philosophy on child-rearing, including making your child be involved in giving back, setting strict limits (and being consistent) in allowing TV time, cell phones and all the other electronic distractions that our so much a part of our world.

I finished the book on Friday afternoon and then we had an “incident” over the weekend which made me wish we had followed our parent’s example and that of the Tuohy’s in raising their children to be more giving and aware of others. The biggest mistake we have made with Shanna is over-indulging her. Like many of her generation, she has entitlement issues, due in part to being the last grandchild on both sides of the family and perhaps due in part to being adopted and us wanting to give this wonderful gift from God all that we didn’t have growing up. Both Russell and I grew up in poor families and our parents worked insane hours to put a roof over our head and food on the table. We had very few luxuries or extras growing up, but both of us have really good memories of our childhoods. My Mom didn’t allow us to watch TV…it was “go outside and play”. We both had jobs by the time we were 12…and we’ve worked our entire lives.

Saturday started badly because we both woke with terrible headaches. We have discovered Excedrin for Migraines (we call them magic pills around here), and even those didn’t help our aching heads. While we were eating breakfast, I asked Russell if he had moved my phone since it wasn’t on the table where I left it. Nope he hadn’t seen it. After several hours of looking for my phone (which isn’t the first time it’s been lost in the last couple of months), I was in tears and upset with myself (because I’m having health problems which include fuzzy brain and forgetfulness), only to discover that Shanna “borrowed it” because her phone had died (from not being charged) and she forgot to return it (she thought that she had). By the time the phone was found and returned, I was exhausted from the unrelenting headache and angry that she took my phone without asking. I had one of those sobbing meltdowns that leave you shaky, exhausted and looking all red and blotchy. I didn't want to be a raving lunatic but that's what I ended up feeling like...yes it's only a phone, but it's mine and I wouldn't ever take hers without asking first.

This incident was a wakeup call to Russell and I that she’s now an adult…and we need to start treating her like one. She’s had a fabulous summer with a trip to southern California, lots of overnights with friends, lazy afternoons at the river, dinners out, etc…and now her graduation money is gone. The reality is that being an adult is hard work and oftentimes really sucks. If you have a small child, I highly recommend the following two books: “Parenting with Love and Logic” and “In a Heartbeat”. Don’t over-indulge your child. Let them earn and work for things they really want – it will mean more to them. Russell and I are both hard-working people with very strong work ethics but somehow we didn’t model that well enough for our child (or maybe it’s lying dormant and will come to light when she gets a job). Show your children how to be responsible and provide them with the example of giving to others.

The book by the Tuohy’s was a powerful, thought-provoking book which has given me a lot to think about (the mistakes we made with Shanna) and my own attitude about giving. The Tuohy’s call it the “power of cheerful giving” and they model it after the lessons from Jesus. I want to be a cheerful giver, to make a difference in the lives of others, to find my purpose in life…so that’s my wish and my prayer. A quote that I love from the book is: “Everyone has a blind side, but a loving heart always sees a path toward true charity”. God, please open my eyes and heart to what you want me to see.

So there you have it…a tale from the dark side of our lives. Back to flowers and other fabulous things tomorrow. 

 

The Miracle of Love

Russell and I went to a dahlia farm on Saturday with my brother, Curtis, and his wife Jennifer. We had an unseasonably cool/wet spring and summer was late coming to Oregon so the dahlia’s (actually anything that’s growing here) is several weeks behind. The dahlias aren’t quite in full-bloom, but we managed to get some great photos. We were only in the full sun for about an hour but it was enough to give me a sun burn. I’ve posted some of our photos on my new photo blog, but here’s a couple to share.

 
I was up all night Sunday night with stomach issues and finally got to sleep at 4:45 in my red recliner in the living room, only to be woken up by Russell at 5:30 asking if I was alright. He’s such a sweetheart. This post (Me & Josh Downs) written by Karen Russell struck a chord with me. There’s a scene from an Everybody Loves Raymond episode titled “Misery Loves Company” that I really love. Robert and Amy are celebrating three months of marriage with a dinner party, and they’re so happy that they feel compelled to give marriage advice. I love Marie’s response to their advice. "We've been married 46 years. We've seen the lows and we've seen the highs. In a real marriage there’s going to be yelling and anger. Don’t fight it…accept it. Keep your head down and you plow through. Marriage is real…we’re okay with each other and you want to know why…we’ve been through it all and we’ve endured.”

Russell and I will celebrate our 28^th anniversary on November 20 (look at us...so young and clueless!). Marriage really is about enduring…it’s about surviving crappy jobs, finances stretched to the limit, too much work and too little sleep, illness, unreliable cars, exhaustion, fighting for time together in between work, home and childrearing, believing in God and miracles when your world is crashing around you and life is a daily challenge. But through it all, we made a pact that we would never tear each other down in front of other people, that we would make our marriage a priority, and that we would always be “the one” for each other. Russell and I have a fabulous marriage, which isn’t to say that we’ve have a perfect marriage…I tend to be the dominant personality in this duo (I bet that surprises you all!), and while I’m a “jump in with both feet but may not finish something” kind of a person, Russell is a slow-starter, but has the patience and endurance to get us to the finish line. He is without a doubt the most patient, gentle, kind man I have ever met and he has NEVER raised his voice to me (and there have been plenty of times in our marriage when he probably should have). I’m a yeller (not as much as I used to be) and he’s the quiet, patient one.

Neither of us were looking for love when we met…I was a widow at the age of 21 and he was a geeky guy working two jobs and trying to pay off bills. We met at McDonald's (he trained me on how to cook a hamburger). We were friends who fell in love. We agreed that we would always make a big deal of our anniversary and we have…sometimes it was a cheap “we’re at home but everyone thinks we’re gone” getaway, but always, we have celebrated our anniversary. I would rather spend time with Russell than with anyone else…we both cherish our time together and even now, my heart leaps when the phone rings between 11 and noon every day. We have shared a craft room together for a number of years (he model railroads and I scrapbook). With my enrollment in Karen Russell’s photography class, we discovered it’s a hobby/passion we both enjoy so we are having a blast together with the photography thing.

Every marriage has the ups and downs of closeness and intimacy…which are often sacrificed in the everyday insanity of life…work, home, bills, family, children, church, sleep, etc. And then…something miraculous happens and you have that special spark back. We’re riding that high again and while it’s embarrassing to our 18 year old; we’re crazy in love and having such a good time. I’ll be 51 in one month…I’m overweight, out of work, having health issues again (still) and yet, my husband looks at me with the look that melts my insides and I thank God once again for this wonderful man and the miracle of love. I know not everyone is lucky enough to have this kind of marriage and trust me, we don’t take it for granted.

One of the secrets I'll share is this...for many years, when Russell was working two jobs and there were some days we only saw each other for a few minutes, we started writing notes to each other in a journal. I have insomnia issues and Russell often goes to bed earlier than I do, so we're still writing notes, usually once or twice a week. We have filled several journals and I love going back through them...they are the every day details of our lives...reminders, complaints and praises of our family life. But they are also a love note and they never, ever get old. Write your sweetie a note - in a journal or on a post-it note and put it in his lunch box...it never fails to thrill me when I see he's written me a note in the journal or when I see that he's still carrying one in his lunch box that I wrote to him months ago...romance and the wooing of each other, never grows old.

 

 

Gratitude and an Epiphany

They say that love makes the world go around and the Lord knows Russell and I are still madly in love, but I’d have to say money is the other necessary commodity needed to make our world turn. In this economy, there are so many “regular, hardworking folks” who are barely making ends meet. Minimum wage in some states is as low as $4 an hour. Oregon has the highest minimum wage in the nation at $8.40. I’m not a “political person” but really, do any of our elected officials have any idea how to live on minimum wage? As a parent of a recently graduated child who is entering the workplace with no skills and no work history, I wonder how many years it will take our young people to achieve the “American dream”? Russell and I were married six years and were 30 years old before we bought our first home. We paid $45,000 and felt like we had hit the jackpot. It was a “fixer-upper” and we did a lot of the work ourselves. According to the news, the economy is improving but I don’t see it. Our school district is laying off staff, and a couple of my friends are in job sectors that are downsizing.

In the last three months, I've applied for 74 jobs, have had two phone interviews and two in-person interviews and still...no job, and that's with 30 years of office experience and excellent computer skills. I have two weeks left on my unemployment and will reapply. I’m fortunate to receive it and never ever take it for granted. Financially, we are blessed that Russell has such a good job. He’s in his fourth year as a UPS driver and got his own route a few months ago, which means he has regular, consistent hours. We have learned the hard way that living beyond our means can have a long-term negative impact on your credit. I am the budget guru in our family and have finally learned that a budget is essential. Online banking is an absolute wonder – paying bills online is the only way to go. I’m one of those obsessive personalities (shocking isn’t it!), who checks our checking account every morning and balances my checkbook. We just got an updated credit report and our credit score is higher than it’s ever been in our almost 28 years together! We have followed a lot of the budget principles taught by Dave Ramsey (but we don’t do cash envelopes. Actually, Russell and I rarely have cash…if we have it, we spend it. 

Taking advantage of sales on groceries and non-perishable items has saved us a ton of money, plus shopping at Wal-Mart, Winco and Costco. I never thought I would be a “savvy shopper”, but with careful shopping, coupons, selling stuff on Craigslist, and a rewards credit card that we pay off every month, we should be debt free by the end of the year…which is an absolutely thrilling prospect.

I wrote a couple weeks ago about “Making it Click” and getting back on track with exercise, home and personal projects, etc. I had a major epiphany (isn’t that a great word!) this week:  my inertia and inability to fully engage my body and mind is that I feel guilty that I'm not working and therefore, not "sharing the load or contributing" to the family budget…so I have no right to enjoy my time off. Other than a brief time off at the end of my year-long chemo regime, I have worked full-time for over 30 years. My unemployment isn’t a reflection of me and my abilities but of our economic and political times…so I need to revel in the time given to me and enjoy being at home. Right now, today, I am grateful for this opportunity to spend time with my mother-in-law, have a $5 dinner with my life group ladies, take a walk in the park, read a book, sleep in occasionally and work on organizing my photo files. Life is good and I am feeling fabulous!

 

Love the quote below. When Shanna was growing up, we had Friday morning ritual that we all loved...before we left home for the day, we would dance and sing a "happy Friday" song. We don't do that anymore...but we need to and not just on Fridays. God is so good to us every day...so let yourself sing and dance to the music in your soul...Happy Friday!

 

May today there be peace within. May you trust God that you are exactly where you are meant to be. May you not forget the infinite possibilities that are born of faith. May you use those gifts that you have received, and pass on the love that has been given to you. May you be content knowing you are a child of God. Let His presence settle into your bones, and allow your soul the freedom to sing, dance, praise and love. It is there for each and every one of us.

 

Middle of the Week Musings

Hello hello...the calendar says it's August 4 but it's 62 degrees right now and I'm FREEZING! I'll be the first to admit that I'm not a fan of really hot weather but really...this is the middle of summer and I'm huddling under a blanket. Seems wrong!

My wonderful in-laws, Charlotte and Subby, along with Alvina (Charlotte's sister) are leaving on Friday morning and driving to Bismarck, North Dakota, which is where my husband was born. That's where most of their extended family lives. The last time they went back (in 2006), it was just Shanna and my mother-in-law and they flew. From here to Bismarck is 1,300 miles and they are driving a small motor home. They are also taking their two dogs. They are hoping to make it back there in three to four days. Russell and I took a small road trip up to Washington in April and over a week's time, drove about 800 miles - that was more than enough road trip for me. I'm a big fan of flying and unless I had a lot of time and money, wouldn't dream of driving half way across America (fortunately, Russell and I have agree that we are not motor home people).

This photo is of my in-laws. They will celebrate 56 years of marriage this month. They are so cute together and I'm so very blessed to have them in my life. Because I love my in-laws and we don't want them to spend a fortune, we are taking their cat, Charlie. To board him would cost $17.50 per day! This is a huge deal because I'm allergic to cats and it's no secret to those who know me that I'm not an animal person. Charlie will be in the basement with Shanna - she's looking forward to having another pet...me, I'm just praying that everyone remembers to keep the door shut so he doesn't come upstairs. I enjoy animals from afar, like to take pictures of them, but don't want to deal with the mess, smell, hair, poop, etc. that comes with owning an animal. (Please note that I'm not in any way slamming those of you who love pets). Yes, we have two bunnies and they are more than enough for me. Below is a picture of one of them - Dopey, who like his Disney namesake, is really sweet but not the brightest bulb. Dopey was a cooperative subject for one of my class photo assignments a couple of weeks ago...isn't he adorable!

 
My life group has taken a break for a few months, but we're getting together tonight for dinner and a walk...it'll be wonderful to catch up, laugh, talk and pray together. I'm looking forward to resuming our weekly get-togethers in the fall. Russell is going over to his parents house to wash their motor home in preparation for the big trip.

Life is about dealing with changes and challenges, and Shanna is really struggling to find her place and figure out what to do with her life. Some kids are really blessed to have a clear vision or goal of their future and seem to have their lives mapped out for them. Shanna isn't one of them (Russell and I weren't either). She has always been interested in law enforcement and is thinking seriously about enrolling in the Criminal Justice program at Mt Hood Community College. We applied for financial aid but didn't qualify for any grants, and she didn't apply for any scholarships. She struggles with academics and fears that she can't do it. She is job hunting, but jobs in Oregon are scarce (we have one of the highest unemployment rates in the nation) and she has no experience. Of course, like many kids her age, she wants the nice car, the apartment, good furniture, etc. What she hasn't yet learned, is that most of us started out with really crappy cars (my first one was an orange Vega) and we furnished our first apartment with garage sale and Goodwill finds. Like most kids her age, she's glued to her phone...this is one of the few photos I've gotten of her recently where she hasn't hidden her face.

Happy Wednesday!

Oregon Steamup

Russell, my brother Curtis and I spent Saturday at the Oregon Steam-up. This event is one that Russell and my brothers have attended for several years and I decided to tag along for the sole purpose of taking photos. I knew there would be a lot of “steam engines” but didn’t have any other expectations. Almost everything was outdoors and since the day started cool, I forego my Capri’s and sandals in favor of jeans and tennis shoes, andwas glad I did since it was very dusty. Judging by the smells and sounds, it felt a bit like we had been transported back to the turn of the 20th century…there was the smell of wood-burning furnaces, the sound of train whistles and steam tractors chugging down dirt and gravel roads, along with live big band music. The day started with the singing of the National Anthem (which always makes me teary-eyed) and how fitting that there were so many military vehicles (mostly vintage) with quite a few men in uniform in attendance.

The Great Oregon Steam-Up, organized by the Antique Powerland Museum, offers an impressive display including tractors, trains, automobiles, logging and military machinery — many dating back to the late 1800s and early 1900s. What I didn’t expect was a nostalgic trip back to my childhood. There was a fairly large “flea market section” where you could buy anything from tools, vintage tractors and wagons, glassware and dishes, old magazines, toys from my childhood and earlier. It was a history lesson of sorts. We bought three things: a small vase for $2; the October 10, 1953 issue of The Saturday Evening Post magazine, and much to my delight…a Montgomery Ward catalog from 1964 (I was five years old then). This “catalog” (we called it a wish book when I was a little girl) had some of the same furniture, wall hangings, kitchenware, and material that my Mom used to sew some of my dresses from. As a scrapbooker and someone who is the family historian, I was thrilled to find this piece of my childhood. 46 years later and it’s in impeccable shape.

I don’t get to spend as much time with my brothers as I’d like, so it was a treat to share the day with my little brother, Curtis. He co-owns a thermal heating and cooling company called The Heat Exchange and like many of us, is feeling the pinch of the economy. Curtis is a gentle giant and of my three brothers (our birthdays are four days apart), the one most like me…we share many of the same character traits and he’s as organized, methodical and efficient as I am. This photo is of Russell (on the left) and Curtis in front of an old wagon loaded with...well who knows! 

One of the best advances in electronics in my opinion is that of digital photography. Between us, Russell and I took over 500 photos. In the last few years, as Shanna has become less photogenic (I think it’s a teen thing!), I have turned my camera lens to other more cooperative subjects, such as flowers, landscapes and what I am now calling “details”. They are the things in our life, some ordinary and some not, that we often don’t pay any attention to. In order to share more of my photos, I have started a second blog: Life Through the Lens. Take a look if you have time. Happy Monday!