The Miracle of Love

Russell and I went to a dahlia farm on Saturday with my brother, Curtis, and his wife Jennifer. We had an unseasonably cool/wet spring and summer was late coming to Oregon so the dahlia’s (actually anything that’s growing here) is several weeks behind. The dahlias aren’t quite in full-bloom, but we managed to get some great photos. We were only in the full sun for about an hour but it was enough to give me a sun burn. I’ve posted some of our photos on my new photo blog, but here’s a couple to share.

 
I was up all night Sunday night with stomach issues and finally got to sleep at 4:45 in my red recliner in the living room, only to be woken up by Russell at 5:30 asking if I was alright. He’s such a sweetheart. This post (Me & Josh Downs) written by Karen Russell struck a chord with me. There’s a scene from an Everybody Loves Raymond episode titled “Misery Loves Company” that I really love. Robert and Amy are celebrating three months of marriage with a dinner party, and they’re so happy that they feel compelled to give marriage advice. I love Marie’s response to their advice. "We've been married 46 years. We've seen the lows and we've seen the highs. In a real marriage there’s going to be yelling and anger. Don’t fight it…accept it. Keep your head down and you plow through. Marriage is real…we’re okay with each other and you want to know why…we’ve been through it all and we’ve endured.”

Russell and I will celebrate our 28^th anniversary on November 20 (look at us...so young and clueless!). Marriage really is about enduring…it’s about surviving crappy jobs, finances stretched to the limit, too much work and too little sleep, illness, unreliable cars, exhaustion, fighting for time together in between work, home and childrearing, believing in God and miracles when your world is crashing around you and life is a daily challenge. But through it all, we made a pact that we would never tear each other down in front of other people, that we would make our marriage a priority, and that we would always be “the one” for each other. Russell and I have a fabulous marriage, which isn’t to say that we’ve have a perfect marriage…I tend to be the dominant personality in this duo (I bet that surprises you all!), and while I’m a “jump in with both feet but may not finish something” kind of a person, Russell is a slow-starter, but has the patience and endurance to get us to the finish line. He is without a doubt the most patient, gentle, kind man I have ever met and he has NEVER raised his voice to me (and there have been plenty of times in our marriage when he probably should have). I’m a yeller (not as much as I used to be) and he’s the quiet, patient one.

Neither of us were looking for love when we met…I was a widow at the age of 21 and he was a geeky guy working two jobs and trying to pay off bills. We met at McDonald's (he trained me on how to cook a hamburger). We were friends who fell in love. We agreed that we would always make a big deal of our anniversary and we have…sometimes it was a cheap “we’re at home but everyone thinks we’re gone” getaway, but always, we have celebrated our anniversary. I would rather spend time with Russell than with anyone else…we both cherish our time together and even now, my heart leaps when the phone rings between 11 and noon every day. We have shared a craft room together for a number of years (he model railroads and I scrapbook). With my enrollment in Karen Russell’s photography class, we discovered it’s a hobby/passion we both enjoy so we are having a blast together with the photography thing.

Every marriage has the ups and downs of closeness and intimacy…which are often sacrificed in the everyday insanity of life…work, home, bills, family, children, church, sleep, etc. And then…something miraculous happens and you have that special spark back. We’re riding that high again and while it’s embarrassing to our 18 year old; we’re crazy in love and having such a good time. I’ll be 51 in one month…I’m overweight, out of work, having health issues again (still) and yet, my husband looks at me with the look that melts my insides and I thank God once again for this wonderful man and the miracle of love. I know not everyone is lucky enough to have this kind of marriage and trust me, we don’t take it for granted.

One of the secrets I'll share is this...for many years, when Russell was working two jobs and there were some days we only saw each other for a few minutes, we started writing notes to each other in a journal. I have insomnia issues and Russell often goes to bed earlier than I do, so we're still writing notes, usually once or twice a week. We have filled several journals and I love going back through them...they are the every day details of our lives...reminders, complaints and praises of our family life. But they are also a love note and they never, ever get old. Write your sweetie a note - in a journal or on a post-it note and put it in his lunch box...it never fails to thrill me when I see he's written me a note in the journal or when I see that he's still carrying one in his lunch box that I wrote to him months ago...romance and the wooing of each other, never grows old.

 

 

Comments

[Amy]

I love the journal idea!