This is not a typical blog post full of flowers and praise for my wonderful world. It’s a dose of reality in all of its ugliness but I feel compelled to be honest. Life isn’t all rainbows and sunflowers. Sometimes it’s hurt feelings, angry words, lies and bad behavior.
I just finished reading a truly fabulous book that I highly recommend. It was written by Leigh Anne and Sean Tuohy, titled “In a Heartbeat - Sharing the Power of Cheerful Giving”. If you recognize the names, then you’ve probably seen the movie “The Blind Side” which is one of my all-time favorite movies. This book was an absolutely engaging, powerful book on giving, and the power of one. It was not about how much money you have but what you do with what you have – your money, time and talents. Giving and making a difference in the life of just one person can have far-reaching effects. The book also included a lot of the Tuohy’s philosophy on child-rearing, including making your child be involved in giving back, setting strict limits (and being consistent) in allowing TV time, cell phones and all the other electronic distractions that our so much a part of our world.
I finished the book on Friday afternoon and then we had an “incident” over the weekend which made me wish we had followed our parent’s example and that of the Tuohy’s in raising their children to be more giving and aware of others. The biggest mistake we have made with Shanna is over-indulging her. Like many of her generation, she has entitlement issues, due in part to being the last grandchild on both sides of the family and perhaps due in part to being adopted and us wanting to give this wonderful gift from God all that we didn’t have growing up. Both Russell and I grew up in poor families and our parents worked insane hours to put a roof over our head and food on the table. We had very few luxuries or extras growing up, but both of us have really good memories of our childhoods. My Mom didn’t allow us to watch TV…it was “go outside and play”. We both had jobs by the time we were 12…and we’ve worked our entire lives.
Saturday started badly because we both woke with terrible headaches. We have discovered Excedrin for Migraines (we call them magic pills around here), and even those didn’t help our aching heads. While we were eating breakfast, I asked Russell if he had moved my phone since it wasn’t on the table where I left it. Nope he hadn’t seen it. After several hours of looking for my phone (which isn’t the first time it’s been lost in the last couple of months), I was in tears and upset with myself (because I’m having health problems which include fuzzy brain and forgetfulness), only to discover that Shanna “borrowed it” because her phone had died (from not being charged) and she forgot to return it (she thought that she had). By the time the phone was found and returned, I was exhausted from the unrelenting headache and angry that she took my phone without asking. I had one of those sobbing meltdowns that leave you shaky, exhausted and looking all red and blotchy. I didn't want to be a raving lunatic but that's what I ended up feeling like...yes it's only a phone, but it's mine and I wouldn't ever take hers without asking first.
This incident was a wakeup call to Russell and I that she’s now an adult…and we need to start treating her like one. She’s had a fabulous summer with a trip to southern California, lots of overnights with friends, lazy afternoons at the river, dinners out, etc…and now her graduation money is gone. The reality is that being an adult is hard work and oftentimes really sucks. If you have a small child, I highly recommend the following two books: “Parenting with Love and Logic” and “In a Heartbeat”. Don’t over-indulge your child. Let them earn and work for things they really want – it will mean more to them. Russell and I are both hard-working people with very strong work ethics but somehow we didn’t model that well enough for our child (or maybe it’s lying dormant and will come to light when she gets a job). Show your children how to be responsible and provide them with the example of giving to others.
The book by the Tuohy’s was a powerful, thought-provoking book which has given me a lot to think about (the mistakes we made with Shanna) and my own attitude about giving. The Tuohy’s call it the “power of cheerful giving” and they model it after the lessons from Jesus. I want to be a cheerful giver, to make a difference in the lives of others, to find my purpose in life…so that’s my wish and my prayer. A quote that I love from the book is: “Everyone has a blind side, but a loving heart always sees a path toward true charity”. God, please open my eyes and heart to what you want me to see.
So there you have it…a tale from the dark side of our lives. Back to flowers and other fabulous things tomorrow.