Musings of an Unfinished Woman

Creativity and my first attempts

I woke up with sore throat, fever, etc. so I’m staying in my jammies today. We had a great weekend at home – spent lots of time in the craft room. It’s no secret that I’m a scrapbooker but other than that, I don’t feel like I’m a “creative” person. The definition of creative according to Dictionary.com is: cre·a·tive: (1) having the quality or power of creating. (2) resulting from originality of thought, expression, etc.; imaginative: creative writing. (3) originative; productive (usually followed by of). One of my fondest memories is sitting down and coloring with my Mom...even as adults, when we would go to my Aunt Donna’s cabin, we would take markers and coloring books with us. I’m a very linear, organized person as evidenced by my scrapbook pages, which are more often than not, in a grid format. I want to be more than a “stay in the lines” kind of woman.

Each of us has God-given creative talents, but oftentimes we don’t use those talents or don’t believe we are good enough. There are all kinds of creativity: glass-blowing, photography, sculpting, painting, drawing, flower-arranging, etc. I think anyone who can cook a beautiful meal and make it look like gorgeous on a plate is artistic. I’ve been so incredibly inspired by BonnieRose (A Life Unrehearsed) and after reading her blog for months, decided to try my hand. In January, I wrote a personal journal entry that said in part: “I’ve had this wild artistic urge coming at me for awhile and finally, after ignoring it, I looked, researched and finally gave into the urge. Bought a cheap set of acrylic paints at Walmart, a couple of artist tablets, paint brushes, etc. from Michaels and then...some water crayons and markers from Dick Blick.”

It’s been over three weeks since I got my new artist supplies and they’ve been quietly residing in my craft room drawers and cabinets...waiting. So Friday night, I decided to give this artistic thing a try...so after covering my craft table with freezer paper (my research told me freezer paper was better than newspaper and would withstand water, etc.), and donning my apron (the one I use when I do messy cooking), I referenced several of the acrylic paint books that I checked out from the library (you know...to find out how to do this)! Below is what I created. I made section divider pages for a lined journal and this is how they look.

I did two “free form” paintings too and then added crayon and marker accents. The first one is still quite “linear” (no overlapping) but the second one, is more creative and free-flowing. I’m thrilled with my first attempts at being “artistic” and loved the process.

Once I got past the idea that there’s no right or wrong, no rules, I had fun. Can’t wait to get out my stuff and create again. A big thank you to BonnieRose for all the fabulous inspiration. I hope to take your “Color Your World” class someday...in the meantime, I am coloring my world and having a good time. I used acrylic stamps for the designs...anyone know where to find some affordable stamps in a variety of patterns and designs? My preference is clear acrylic stamps...

Just a quick note...thanks for your prayers on behalf of Shanna. Her tattoo removal surgery went well last week. Now she just has to recover and hopefully, not lose her job at UPS. The surgery was about 90 minutes and she has three layers of stitches...two of the inside layers will be permanent and the top layer will be removed in a week. I’ll post pictures when it’s a little less gory looking.

  

 

 
"Joy is a light that fills you with hope and faith and love."

New Year and New Blessings

It’s been nine weeks since I last posted and in nine more weeks it will be April...where does the time go? I’ve been thinking about that a lot. Am I living my life to the fullest? What have I accomplished in that time? Have I made any changes in my life or made a difference in someone else’s life?

2010 was an incredibly difficult year for me personally. I was unemployed for the entire year. Between Shanna and me, we had 72 medical appointments (chiropractor and doctor) as we both struggled with health issues. I wanted so much to be a different me and make some changes, but didn’t have the courage and strength (physical and mental) to make them. I struggled with some relationship issues and finding boundaries for friendships that were too one-sided and unhealthy. For the first time in years, I only scrapbooked 24 pages, which is so not like me. Getting Shanna graduated and employed was a challenge but she’s on a good path now and I’m finally feeling like I’m coming back into the light. If I’m honest, I would say I was depressed for most of the year. The one relationship that really thrived was with my husband as we discovered the joy of photography through Karen Russell’s class and started dating again. We celebrated 28 years together in November and if not for Russell, I’m not sure I would have made it through the year. So what did I learn and what am I doing different?

I need to be creative. I’ve been scrapping for almost 19 years and I totally lost all my creativity, last year. I stopped scrapping and writing. Russell and I share a craft room (he model railroads and I scrapbook, make cards, etc.) and we both realized how much we need to get back into our hobbies. I am taking Ali Edwards “Yesterday and Today” class through BPC and I my creative juices are flowing again. Russell and I spent this past weekend in the craft room and I did my first digital page and have tons of page ideas to start working on.

I stopped moving and kept eating and now am starting over with my “Move More, Eat Less” (in the words of Cathy Zielske). Unfortunately, I let the fibromyalgia take over my life so it’s a battle to find what will work (as far as physical exercise that won’t create flare-ups and more pain). For now, I’m walking several days a week again and am following the PT exercises I’m supposed to do. I didn’t want to rely on prescription medication but have to admit that it’s helping to control the symptoms and pain while I work to find ways to deal with this disease in a more organic and healthy way. I’m so very thankful for a wonderful doctor and fabulous healthcare.

We have gotten to know the Marshes, a military family we met. Mentoring and getting to know a young couple is always a blessing and we have had the added bonus of standing in as “surrogate” grandparents to their three daughters - twins, age 8 and the youngest, age 4. Having these three girls in our lives has been so fun (and exhausting!). What a privilege to be a part of this family’s life and to have little ones in our home again. The girls love all things pink and glittery - so different from our baby girl who is now 18 and is the “big sister” to these little girls. Cuddles and hugs, giggles and crayons, toys and Disney movies are once again a part of our life.

I need women in my life...to laugh with, to talk and share with and to keep me accountable. Three women in particular have made a huge difference in my life: Sue, who has come over several times for lunch and scrapping therapy. Granted, I haven’t gotten much scrapping done, but the therapy has been invaluable as I’ve been able to be completely authentic with her as we’ve both shared and commiserated. Cindy has made dinner dates a wonderful thing and she too has a listening heart and a generous giving spirit and I can feel her support and prayers. Surprisingly, the third woman is someone I’ve “known” for years but only from a distance. When I went back to Colorado for my aunt’s funeral in December, I stayed with Brigette, my cousin’s daughter. She lives in a tiny adorable little house and she welcomed me into her home. For four days and nights, she was my chauffer as we went to the memorial (it was my Mom’s sister and Brigette’s Grandma). I reconnected with relatives I hadn’t seen in years. Something wonderful happened during those four days...despite our differences, Brigette and I connected in a way that was magical. We talked for hours about life, love, hopes, dreams, disappointments and I came home renewed in spirit and ready to make some life changes.

I discovered the library again. When I was little, I went to the library three times a week from first grade until I graduated. The library was a magical world of books. Somehow, through the years, I forgot about the library and found Borders and Amazon. I’m a voracious reader and read at least two to three books a week...even going to used bookstores that can get expensive so a friend suggested I try the library. Wow...it’s changed. You can now reserve books online and then pick them up when they are ready. What a fabulous discovery this has been. I’m having a blast reading books on a variety of subjects and...they’re FREE!!

Being in love and loved is such an incredible (rare) blessing. I really believe I have the best husband in the entire world. Through all of last year, Russell was my knight in shining armor and we fell in love again (corny as that sounds). He loves me just the way I am, which makes me want to be a better me for him.

I had an interview today...out of 108 candidates, I am in the top five. Every week, I faithfully apply for jobs while I receive unemployment (thank you Lord). I know that God has just the right job out there for me and in the right time and place, it will happen. In the meantime, I am thankful for a new year and the opportunity to try again. My word for the year is THRIVE. I want to thrive in body, mind and spirit. The word Thrive means: to be well, grow strongly, flourish, and be successful. So here’s to 2011 and being more mindful of the everyday miracle of life...to find joy in the little things. I also hope to post more...

 

Giving thanks and keeping warm

Russell and I got married 28 years ago on November 20...we were 23 years old and both working at McDonalds (which is where we met). We chose that date because it would give us four days off of work. One of the decisions we made when we got married was to always celebrate our anniversary...more than just a card and dinner...but really celebrate us...our marriage and love.Our first anniversary, we sold Russell’s beat-up old Malibu (it was a blight on the neighborhood, painted 5 different colors and held together with duct tape and bailing wire). He got $100 for it at the junkyard...enough to pay for a nice dinner and a room at the Marriott. We’ve spent several of our anniversaries at Disneyland or World, a couple at the beach, Las Vegas and even a couple at home. Shanna has spent more Thanksgivings with relatives than with us. However, since Russell became a UPS driver four years ago, he no longer gets the week of Thanksgiving off so we’ve had to adjust. We took our anniversary trip to Disney World in October but will still go out to dinner on Saturday our wedding day. What a difference 28 years make...we look somewhat the same, but aged (not necessarily like fine wine). We have an exceptional marriage, something neither of us ever takes for granted...there’s no doubt that we are still crazy in love with each other and still would rather spend time with each other than anyone else.My heart still leaps when he calls me, and when he looks at me with that special look, my insides melt. We often say the same thing at the same time, manage to dress in the same colors without planning it, understand each others strong points and weaknesses and have worked hard to compensate for each other. We laugh together at the silliest things, hold hands and cuddle together and make time for dates.  

 

Anyway, this year we will be home for Thanksgiving and for the first time in many years, we are hosting Thanksgiving dinner. Russell’s Mom and Dad will be joining us and we are thrilled to welcome a Marine family that we have gotten to know. One of the recruiting Staff Sergeants’, his wife and three beautiful daughters (who absolutely adore Shanna) will be joining us. They are originally from Texas so she will be bringing a few “southern dishes” that seem to be a tradition for black families in the south. Each of our brothers are spending Thanksgiving with their own extended family and friends and while I mourn the loss of traditions that extend back several generations, I recognize that family isn’t just about blood and marriage ties, but also about the people that we share our hearts and our time with. So this year, we will be joined by a military family who is far from their own families...we’ll eat together, laugh, share stories, watch movies, play games and create precious memories that will hopefully be remembered fondly in years to come.

 I like to entertain...have people over for dinner. Perhaps it’s because I’m good at the logistics of organizing and planning, getting everything ready and creating a welcoming atmosphere. I learned that gift from my Mom who often invited friends to join us for a meal. I tend to plan my entertaining in advance and am not as spontaneous as my Mom, but I realize how much I enjoy gathering friends and family together...to eat, catch up on life, to laugh and just let go of the outside world for an hour or two. We don’t have a fancy home...our kitchen is the original from 1974 as is the bathroom...our carpet needs to be replaced, but somehow we’ve created a warm, welcoming haven so I’m excited to welcome new friends and family for this holiday where we give thanks for our blessings.

We’re not really turkey people and I will admit it here...I’ve never cooked a turkey (is that un-American?!). We will be serving ham, potatoes, corn, pies, yams, etc. and our guests have offered to bring the turkey along with a few of their favorite holiday dishes.

This weekend we are “weatherizing” our home. Our garage door was hit from the inside (yes, it was me and was the ONLY time I haven’t opened the garage door before getting in the car). As a result of that little accident, the garage door is warped and let’s in too much air, dirt, and warm or cold weather depending on the season. We have aluminum windows, so we will be covering them to protect us from the frigid east gorge wind. We’ll be cleaning out the flowerbeds, bringing the deck furniture in for the winter. We’ve already got a forecast for snow, so I’m thinking it could be a long cold winter, so I want to make sure our home is ready for inclement weather. So wherever you are...stay warm and dry. Happy Friday.

Broadening our horizons

Russell and I are trying to broaden our horizons and get out of our rut. While we always love spending time together, we can be somewhat predictable when we have the occasion to go out on a date. With the rainy weather on its way, we’re looking from some great (inexpensive places to go). We’ve been going to Esther Short Park in downtown Vancouver (near the interstate bridge). It's a really pretty park with a nice farmers market and no one seems to mind if we photograph the fruits and vegetables.

Last weekend wasn’t really great weather so we headed to the Sellwood area of town...it’s a very charming neighborhood with lots of cute shops, little gardens and tiny restaurants. With no particular destination in mind, we wandered, took photos of flowers until we stumbled into STARS, an Antique Mall. We spent a couple of hours wandering through. We asked the owners if we could take photos and their only request is that we not rearrange the displays or get in the way of other shoppers.

 
    

My idea of antiques are really old, ornate uncomfortable furniture or elaborate chandeliers, etc. And yes, there was some of that, but a lot of what we saw on display were items that took us back to our childhoods. My theory is that if the item is as old as you are, then it's not an antique! We bought a black rotary dial phone and I swear that it must weigh about 15 pounds...a relic from our childhood years. We saw kitchen canisters in the 50’s style of pink and turquoise, a train pull-toy that my brothers and I all grew up with and a pair of roller skates that strapped onto your shoes. We saw beautiful quilts, kitchen gadgets that I wouldn’t know how to work and hankies (remember those...my grandma always had at least two fresh hankies plus a roll of Mint Lifesavers in her purse). There were old cameras and a couple of radios with beautifully styled knobs and lettering.

 
I got online this week and did some research on upcoming events that we might like to go to, such as the Largest Antique Show (how do they know it’s the largest?), several holiday bazaars and festivals, along with a ton of great antique shops. We are both almost nutty about photographing flowers and landscapes, as well as what we call “details”. We’re a cheap date and have been taking picnic lunches to save money. Stay tuned for more photos from our Weekend Wanderings.

I met Sue and Cindy, two of my life group gals tonight for a girl’s night out. It’s wonderful to catch up, to share the good things and the challenges in each other’s lives, to be real and honest with each other. It’s been two years since I started my life group. My goal at the time was to develop some close relationships with women as we shared our lives and spent some time in prayer and study...a goal that has exceeded my expectations. I’m so thankful for the ladies in my group and for the support and love they extend to me and to each other. Life group fall season will kick off again in the next few weeks and I’m looking forward to our weekly meetings. There have been many weeks when I didn’t want to have anyone over, when I was tired or just didn’t feel like entertaining and leading...but without fail, those were the nights that I was blessed the most. I would love to have a couple more ladies join our group and leaving that in God’s hands.

 

Happy Friday!

 

The reality of life

 
Happy first day of Fall!

Does anyone really know, or care, who the Jersey housewives or the Kardashians are? Am I the only one who thinks that the world has gone insane? There was an article in the newspaper this morning (are we the only ones who still get a daily newspaper?) that questioned the new wave of reality shows. There doesn’t seem to be any boundaries with all the social networking and reality shows.

    “Do reality shows really reflect reality as it really is...or maybe the shows promote less than ideal values, encourage less than ideal behavior and actually have contributed to our popular culture circling the drain.” The Oregonian, September 23, 2010

I also don’t get following your favorite “fill in the blank company or brand” on Facebook or Twitter. Who cares if I like Japanese Cherry Blossom scent from Bath and Body Works! I deactivated my Facebook account this morning. To be honest, Facebook made me feel “less than” and I want/need to feel like I am enough (thanks Brene Brown for that). I don’t want to sit on the edge of life, reading about other people’s busy, fun lives.

The fall season of television has begun and along with it, comes the choice of how much and what to watch. Russell and I have made a conscious decision to cut back on our TV watching. Since he rarely gets home before 7:30, we have approximately two – three hours in the evening together. We have discovered how wonderful Netflix is and how much we enjoy watching our favorite shows without commercial interruption. We bought Tivo’s about a year ago and absolutely love them. So with the fall TV schedule in hand, we’ve selected the shows that we will record and watch and which ones we will wait to come out on DVD. Our favorite shows are: Modern Family, The Middle, The Big Bang Theory, Criminal Minds, NCIS and NCIS Los Angeles. We’re adding Hawaii Five-O to our list. What are you watching this fall?

 

It’s raining today and fall is definitely in the air. If the weather is cooperative this weekend, Russell and I are going to Hood River for another photography date. We have free tickets to the Hood River History Museum (you can get free tickets to a museum in the area by following this link), and then we’re driving the “Fruit Loop”, featuring orchards selling a variety of fruits. We’ll drive up the Columbia Gorge historic highway and stop at Multnomah Falls and Crown Point. With the leaves turning, we should get some great photos.

 

From Brene Brown's blog: "Wholehearted living is about engaging in our lives from a place of worthiness. It means cultivating the courage, compassion, and connection to wake up in the morning and think, no matter what gets done and how much is left undone; I am enough."

Catching Up

Can’t believe how fast the last three weeks have gone…lots of life stuff going on. Russell has wanted a pickup truck for as long as I can remember, and now, he has one. You know those used car guys that tell you they have a car that was owned by one little old lady who drove it to the grocery store and church…well that’s my Dad. He bought his truck, a Dodge Dakota, in 1997 and it has just a little over 50,000 miles on it. We needed a third vehicle and my Dad wasn’t driving his truck anymore…it needed new tires and some work done, but we ended up with a really good deal and a reliable truck to get Russell to and from work. (If you’re in the Portland/Gresham area and need a good mechanic, we highly recommend USA Auto Performance – they are awesome and totally honest).

Speaking of Russell and work, he injured his lower back last Tuesday and is now on what UPS calls “TOW” (time off work), but it really isn’t. He has been going in every day to the chiropractor for treatments and then he goes to UPS and helps out in the office answering phones, doing computer work, etc. He’s in quite a bit of pain but my sweetie isn’t a complainer. You know when someone is really hurt when they are willing to ice their back every hour!

It seems as if the hot days of summer are over. Russell and I were spontaneous and went to the State Fair two weekends ago. We packed a picnic supper and headed down mid-afternoon with the intention of working on our photography skills, especially night-time lighting. We had a lovely day together, took a ton of pictures and walked our legs off. At the last minute I decided to throw in our coats and a turtleneck for me (since I get cold so easily). We were so glad to have the extra layers as it got really chilly after the sun went down. I’m always amazed at how much money people spend on stupid (in my opinion) stuff. The world’s largest pig and the biggest alligator both had lines of people willing to plunk down $1.50 per person for 30 seconds. We lost count of the number of mostly young couples who were walking around with 5 foot stuffed animals which I imagine cost way more than they were worth. We learned our lesson last year after spending a small fortune on hamburgers, fries and drinks for five of us for what was at best mediocre food…thus the picnic supper.

We've been praying for awhile that God would point Shanna in the right direction. She's been "directionless" for awhile...undecided about what to do for her future. She wants to be in law enforcement but has to take some college courses to begin and she is too late to get into the program at MHCC. Shanna asked me a couple weeks ago to go with her to talk with military recruiters. After lots of conversations, research and prayer, she has decided to pursue a career in the Marines.

We are very supportive of this decision and believe the Marines will give her direction, grow her up and provide the foundation for a solid future. No, the military is not for everyone and we realize not everyone will be supportive of her choice, but Shanna is very excited and determined to do this. She understands that boot camp is 13 weeks of hell but will also prepare her for a permanent job, which in this economy isn't easy. Women in the Marines aren't on the front line of battle, although because of 6 years of training from my brothers, she already is a great "rifleman" and was invited last year to be on the Junior Rifle Team for the US. She will be an even better “riflewoman” after 13 weeks at boot camp on Parris Island, South Carolina.

The original plan was for her to take the necessary tests and ship out in November for boot camp. However, there’s been a hitch in the plan. Shanna has a small tattoo on her inside right wrist...it's the Chinese symbol for blessed. The Marines won't allow her to keep it and it has to be removed before she can move forward in the process. Shanna and her Grandma (Russell's mom) both got small tattoos done on their inside right wrists last year. They both wanted tattoos and although we were against it, they went together and Grandma treated Shanna to a tattoo. Much like the dog she bought for Shanna which is now one of her pets, it wasn't a well-thought out decision. Now, Shanna is paying for that decision...because it is her saluting hand (right wrist facing outward), she has to have the tattoo removed. It will take five to eight laser treatments, four weeks apart at $200 per treatment to have it removed so that has moved her previous ship out date into 2011. She’ll have to get a job to pay for her gas and incidentals because we can’t afford it.

The only upside to the delay is that she has more time to study for the ASVAB test, which is used by all branches of the military. It's a 2.5 hour test that covers 9 different subjects including General Science, Arithmetic Reasoning, Word Knowledge, Paragraph Comprehension, Mathematics Knowledge, Electronics Information, Auto Information, Shop Information, Mechanical Comprehension and Assembling Objects. It's a hard test to pass and her score will determine what her starting pay would be and what jobs in the military she would be eligible for. We bought a study guide and flash cards for her to use and if she scores high enough, she will be able to audition for the Marine Band.

After our first meeting with the recruiter, they had her do a practice test just to see where she was at and she scored 23. She has to score 31 or higher on the real test in order to move forward in the process. If she fails the test (gets less than 31) or takes it and doesn't get as high of a score as she and her recruiter would like, she can take it again in 30 days. Last week her recruiter, Sergeant Marsh had her re-take the test and she had raised her score to 36, so she’s improving! One of her friend’s boyfriends is taking college trigonometry and has been helping her study math (we’re not blessed with math genes in our family!). Please pray for her as she studies and prepares her mind and body for what's ahead. She is working out at 24-hour Fitness and has is also working out in the mornings (playing basketball and running) with the other marine recruits (so far, she’s the only female, but she seems to be doing okay).

Russell and I are very proud that she would choose to do this and while the Mother in me cries that she will be far away and we would likely not see a lot of her for several years, we also know that God is in control of her life and that this could very possibly be the best choice that she has ever made.

Happy Friday! Russell took the photo below at the State Fair.

Making it Click

There are several blogs I faithfully follow…Ali Edwards, Stacy Julian, Karen Russell and Cathy Zielske (to name a few). Cathy has been doing a series of blog posts since the beginning of the year on her quest for fitness and weight loss. Her blog post yesterday really struck a chord with me…it was titled “Fitness and Sustainability: what makes it click?”

She wrote about finding joy in the process: “This just has me thinking about what is it that makes fitness, or the act of moving your body one of sustainability? Why can we keep it up for a time only to lose the inspiration or the dedication? Why do I look at my hot pink running shoes and smile every time I walk past them in the hallway? Why is this so different this time? Don't get me wrong: I do not have the magic bullet to health and fitness here. I'm fully aware that I could leap off this wagon at any time without warning. But something IS different. Something is changing. It ain't just about getting thinner anymore.”

This whole getting fit and healthy is a constant struggle for me. When Russell I and got married, I weighed 120 pounds (that's me 28 years ago). While I know I'll never be that weight again, I do want to feel good about myself. I was doing really well with the exercising…was doing water aerobics 3-4 times a week with a walk or two thrown in. Then two things happened…the water aerobics schedule changed for the summer and I attended a class in the evening where the instructor did some exercises that really threw my back and shoulders out. So I’ve been seeing my wonderful chiropractor a couple times a week again and icing my back on a regular basis. I have osteoarthritis in my knees and back so usually am stiff and sore when I wake up and when I overdo and stress them out to much. So of course, when in pain, do nothing, which leads to depression, which leads to Ruffles Cheddar and Sour Cream chips, homemade chex mix, M&Ms…so here I am once again starting over. After reading Cathy’s post yesterday, I put on my walking shoes, stretched and headed out for a walk. I’ve finally had to accept that I’m going to hurt regardless of whether I exercise or not, so may as well be active and hopefully get in shape and lose some weight, which would alleviate some of the stress on my knees and back (yes, it’s a vicious circle!). Starting out is always the hard part, but I took an hour walk yesterday and today, and even dared to jog for a few short sprints.

Since returning from my Joan Anderson retreat in April, I’ve made a list of things I want to do, and things I want to change about myself. I have already started on the list of things I want to do, but here’s the thing…I am a great starter but not always a great finisher. I jump head-first into a project and then…lose momentum and interest. If other people are involved, I am more likely to stay committed and engaged to see the project finished. However, if left to my own devices, I will often put it aside. So I have a graveyard of unfinished projects and feel ashamed that I’ve spent money on classes, equipment, etc. but didn’t follow through. Whether it’s regular exercise and healthier eating, or completing an online Photoshop Elements class, I need to find the key to making it click so that I can continue on. It’s like I’m sabotaging my own efforts to better myself and be a healthier, happier Kathryn. Am I the only one? How do I “make it click” and sustain the efforts?

I feel like I keep turning onto a one-way, dead-end street. I need to find a new road. They say that 21 days will make a habit a daily part of life, but in my case, it’s more like months in order to make it stick. So next week, it’s back to water aerobics twice a week and taking a long walk on the other days…go ahead and email me…help me keep on track. If you too are struggling to stick with something, let me know…maybe we can buddy up and fight our way through together.

Joan Anderson Retreat

Two weeks ago, I was at Whidbey Institute on Whidbey Island (a fabulous place to escape). I was there with 35 women for a Second Journey retreat by Joan Anderson. I have written before about Joan’s books and how they have touched my soul and opened my eyes to the possibilities of more. It was such an extraordinary experience and so reassuring to know that I’m not the only woman who wants more. Actually, I would say that I and most of the other women retreaters – needed to stop and listen to that voice shouting inside of us to stop – examine – dream – and feel the magic of a Second Journey. My wonderful husband, Russell, gave me the retreat for my birthday and ironically, there was another woman there whose husband gave her and her best friend the retreat for her birthday.

 

I’m not sure how I can explain what the retreat was about. One of the things Joan said is that women are the carriers of culture. We need to become scholars of our self and soul. We spend so much time taking care of everyone else in our life, seeing to our children, work, home, making time for our marriages, extended family, outside activities, etc. We did a calendar exercise which was quite revealing. We had to remember all we could about the activities from last year and then rate how many of those activities or events were for someone else (or if we had to do all the work to make the event happen). How much time did we spend on ourselves, on indulging ourselves in something that nourishes our soul and makes our heart sing? Not surprisingly, most everything I listed had to do with Shanna, school, family events, work, etc. Those are definitely things that we do because we love our children, spouse and extended families. How much time did I spend on me? Not much. Most of us have lost our childhood wonder, our ability to let go and laugh, sing, dance and be goofy.

 

Whidbey Institute (www.whidbeyinstitute.org) is located on 70 acres of evergreen forest and meadow lands laced with a network of walking trails which encourage creative interaction, exploration and deep reflection. I stayed in the Farmhouse, a beautifully restored 19^th century barn red home with 8 tiny bedrooms upstairs (it was like staying at Grandma’s house with the sloped roof and the quilt on the bed). There are no televisions, radios or phones at Whidbey Institute and we were all asked to turn our phones and computers off and leave the world behind for 48 hours. Who knew that 32 very diverse women, ranging in age from 40 up to 72, from 15 states and Canada, could come together in a quest to find themselves (I know, that’s very 1980’s). I just read an article by Bruce Goettshe entitled: “The Prerequisite for Joy”. Have you ever had someone tell you, "I need to find myself"? As goofy as it sounds, you and I know that this is a figure of speech which means a person is trying to understand their purpose, their personality, their deepest aspirations. They feel confused and disoriented. When we know God's peace, all the pieces come together. People who need to find "themselves" are not really looking for themselves...are looking for Jesus. He is alone is the source of peace.”

 

I have spent a lot of time praying and reflecting on what my next step in life should be. On Saturday, we spent 6 hours in silence (no talking at all). We went to the Earth Sanctuary, a beautiful 72-acre preserve. At Earth Sanctuary, nature is the top priority. Reclaim your spirit in its beautiful forests and reflective ponds. Experience megalithic sacred sites and eco-art, walk the labyrinth, amplify your prayers at the Native American medicine wheel. Enjoy the abundance of birds while walking the nature reserve's two miles of paths.” It was truly a spiritual place. I spent hours walking, finding little chairs and benches to sit on while enjoying the sounds of nature, watching herons performing their mating rituals of gliding and dancing in and above the lake. We were each given a box lunch (wearing multiple layers to ward against the cool and rainy weather). As a rule, I’m not a journaler except on the computer but we were each asked to bring a journal to write our thoughts and wishes, to let our heart speak on paper. We spent almost 5 hours in silence, communing with nature. That evening, we gathered together with some wine and appetizers and we talked, cried and laughed until our sides hurt. Without exception, this retreat was a major highlight and event in my life. I can’t wait to go to my next Joan Anderson retreat…if you have the opportunity and are wanting to make some changes, go to one of Joan’s retreats (www.joanandersononline.com).  Absolutely fabulous!

 

Unemployed...still searching and dreaming

Sometimes, we make a decision based on things we can see without looking deeper into the things we can’t see. Instead of taking the time to ask questions and explore all the options, we jump in and it comes back and bites us in the butt. So goes my new job, which wasn't meant to be. I should have asked to see the office before I accepted the job. He told me his office was out of his home and that he had converted his garage into offices...well, that's true to a point. I am an organized clean-freak and he told me the office needed organization. The "logistics" of the job (close to home, good working hours, casual dress, a salary we both compromised on, nice neighborhood) all weighed heavily in my decision to take the job. The reality is that the "office" is one/third of his garage. It's no bigger than about 15x15 feet. Two desks...side by side about 3 feet apart. Two tables stacked with "stuff". The remaining walls were covered with literature racks, clothing racks, etc. No bathroom...you have to use the one in his house (if it's unlocked) or go across the street to city hall. The bathroom is also the laundry room (complete with dirty laundry on the floor…ick). No microwave or fridge. It was clear almost immediatly that our work styles didn’t mesh. I couldn't stand being in such a small, closed in, messy, unorganized workspace, with no bathroom. etc. The thing of it is...he's a nice guy and I hope he finds the right person. We agreed we weren't compatible and parted company amicably.

 

Do you ever feel like you've hit a dead end, that you're going in slow speed, waiting to figure out where you're going? That's how I feel as I continue to wait on the Lord. I believe He will guide me to the right job. I interviewed at our church yesterday and have a second interview next week. It could be a perfect job for me. It is 25 hours a week and is about half of what I was making at my last job. While earning a decent salary is important, I don't want it to be the deciding factor - I want to enjoy what I do and where I work.

 

Here's the thing...I have realized in the last several months that I have a passion for working with women and would love to have a retreat-workshop business that encompasses not just scrapbooking, but issues of the heart and mind. I think I could also incorporate photography and teaching digital photo classes. I have extensive experience in event planning, coordinating seminars and retreats. Russell is very supportive of my dream...and that's what it's been is a dream. The question is, can I make it a reality in these tough economic times? The church job, while not a lot of money, would provide some income while giving me the opportunity (and time) to explore the logistics of what it would take to start a retreat/workshop business. I have been praying for quite some time about this...having owned a retail business before, I know that I don't want a business that is all consuming...I want (need) to have balance. I am working with a woman who owns a retreat business in another state to coordinate one here in Oregon so I think that could be a good starting point.

 

My unemployment has been extended (thank you Lord). So…there it is…as Martin Luther King said…I have a dream. We’ll see where I can go with it.

 

Have a great weekend...happy Friday. Hope you're seeing signs of spring where you are!

 

 

Feeling Lucky and Blessed

Sometimes, life is just perfect. This weekend was a great example. Friday night was the Michael Buble concert with Shanna and my wonderful MIL (isn't she cute). Saturday night, Russell and I went to see Ten Grands, which is a wonderful fund raiser here in Portland which benefits music programs in local schools, offers music scholarships, etc. Ten incredible masters of the piano, including one of my favorites, David Lantz. A fabulous concert and a date with my sweetie. Easter was low key for us as none of us felt very well…so it was just chilling on the couch watching movies (I think I could watch Blind Side at least a dozen more times).

Hoping to have more time for scrapbooking (seriously, I spent more time at school and doing homework than working a full-time job!!). A funny thing happened last night...one of my favorite blog authors that I read on a regular basis has a weekly giveaway on her blog and I rarely enter because I never think I'm going to win or it's something I'm not interested in...but I entered this week and guess what...she picked my name!!! How fun is that! http://www.aliedwards.com/2010/04/and-th.html

Russell has his own route now (right out by my old job ironically!) and Shanna and I got to meet him for a few minutes last week between appointments. Her comment..."he really does work for UPS and drives a really big truck!!' It does make you wonder how kids think...where did she think he went everyday! I think she's one of those who needs to see it to believe it.

Shanna has a busy week ahead. Regional band contest on Thursday followed by the State Thespian Conference. Shanna will be doing mime (she does a hilarious scene where she is an older black woman with a walker) and then she's doing an improv scene. I couldn't do that in a million years, but she has a gift for making people laugh...so here's hoping she gets some great scores in both competitions and has a good time. Happy Monday...hoping our rain and wind will let up soon so we can have a few more days of spring.