Musings of an Unfinished Woman

Gratitude and an Epiphany

They say that love makes the world go around and the Lord knows Russell and I are still madly in love, but I’d have to say money is the other necessary commodity needed to make our world turn. In this economy, there are so many “regular, hardworking folks” who are barely making ends meet. Minimum wage in some states is as low as $4 an hour. Oregon has the highest minimum wage in the nation at $8.40. I’m not a “political person” but really, do any of our elected officials have any idea how to live on minimum wage? As a parent of a recently graduated child who is entering the workplace with no skills and no work history, I wonder how many years it will take our young people to achieve the “American dream”? Russell and I were married six years and were 30 years old before we bought our first home. We paid $45,000 and felt like we had hit the jackpot. It was a “fixer-upper” and we did a lot of the work ourselves. According to the news, the economy is improving but I don’t see it. Our school district is laying off staff, and a couple of my friends are in job sectors that are downsizing.

In the last three months, I've applied for 74 jobs, have had two phone interviews and two in-person interviews and still...no job, and that's with 30 years of office experience and excellent computer skills. I have two weeks left on my unemployment and will reapply. I’m fortunate to receive it and never ever take it for granted. Financially, we are blessed that Russell has such a good job. He’s in his fourth year as a UPS driver and got his own route a few months ago, which means he has regular, consistent hours. We have learned the hard way that living beyond our means can have a long-term negative impact on your credit. I am the budget guru in our family and have finally learned that a budget is essential. Online banking is an absolute wonder – paying bills online is the only way to go. I’m one of those obsessive personalities (shocking isn’t it!), who checks our checking account every morning and balances my checkbook. We just got an updated credit report and our credit score is higher than it’s ever been in our almost 28 years together! We have followed a lot of the budget principles taught by Dave Ramsey (but we don’t do cash envelopes. Actually, Russell and I rarely have cash…if we have it, we spend it. 

Taking advantage of sales on groceries and non-perishable items has saved us a ton of money, plus shopping at Wal-Mart, Winco and Costco. I never thought I would be a “savvy shopper”, but with careful shopping, coupons, selling stuff on Craigslist, and a rewards credit card that we pay off every month, we should be debt free by the end of the year…which is an absolutely thrilling prospect.

I wrote a couple weeks ago about “Making it Click” and getting back on track with exercise, home and personal projects, etc. I had a major epiphany (isn’t that a great word!) this week:  my inertia and inability to fully engage my body and mind is that I feel guilty that I'm not working and therefore, not "sharing the load or contributing" to the family budget…so I have no right to enjoy my time off. Other than a brief time off at the end of my year-long chemo regime, I have worked full-time for over 30 years. My unemployment isn’t a reflection of me and my abilities but of our economic and political times…so I need to revel in the time given to me and enjoy being at home. Right now, today, I am grateful for this opportunity to spend time with my mother-in-law, have a $5 dinner with my life group ladies, take a walk in the park, read a book, sleep in occasionally and work on organizing my photo files. Life is good and I am feeling fabulous!

 

Love the quote below. When Shanna was growing up, we had Friday morning ritual that we all loved...before we left home for the day, we would dance and sing a "happy Friday" song. We don't do that anymore...but we need to and not just on Fridays. God is so good to us every day...so let yourself sing and dance to the music in your soul...Happy Friday!

 

May today there be peace within. May you trust God that you are exactly where you are meant to be. May you not forget the infinite possibilities that are born of faith. May you use those gifts that you have received, and pass on the love that has been given to you. May you be content knowing you are a child of God. Let His presence settle into your bones, and allow your soul the freedom to sing, dance, praise and love. It is there for each and every one of us.

 

Blessings amidst the background of depression...

Three months gone…just like that…I finally admitted to myself this morning on the way to work that I have been in a funk…depressed…apathetic…call it what you want…but I’m struggling to pull myself out of it and find contentment, joy and peace in my life. How do you get it back when the hits just keep coming...and I'm not talking about the Top 40 on the radio! It feels like the world is imploding. I think it's worse somehow when your child is affected. Shanna is struggling with several things in her life and today, the budget cuts were announced for her school district. The classes she is passionate about and has real talent in are being cut…she loves music…she plays alto saxophone and the band teacher will have "reduced" hours next year. Band has been a part of her life since sixth grade. It breaks my heart to see these cuts.

Shanna was recently in a hit and run accident (not her fault) and thank God, no one was hurt, but my car was totaled, so we had to buy another car…dealing with insurance, police reports, car rental, and then shopping for a new to us, but not too expensive car….after several grueling evenings and one very long Saturday, we found a used car with 68,000 miles on it. Our new used car needs some work…to the tune of nearly $1000!

Russell hasn't been working every day...in order to collect unemployment, you have to put in a “waiting week” and so far, he’s worked at least one day each week, so no unemployment. I have to remind myself that we have jobs, are healthy, we have our home and we have a great marriage…there are so many people who are unemployed, homeless and living on the edge. It’s scary to realize how close each of us is to losing it all…the loss of a job, the inability to pay your bills, a devastating illness with no insurance. My supervisor’s best friend died on Monday from a prolonged battle with breast cancer, leaving a 10 and 15 year old behind. Her own daughter is going through a particularly horrible round of chemo for cancer…

I have spent the last three months in a fog…I haven’t blogged, scrapbooked, walked or lost weight. Other than working, I haven’t done anything except read and watch TV. I can’t tell you how many books I’ve read…I’ve always loved reading, but somehow these last few months I’ve just disappeared into my books…I don’t read self-help or “serious” novels…I like romantic suspense, contemporary romance, mysteries…and so I’ve escaped (thank you for great used book stores!) into other people’s worlds and lives…where there is romance, mystery, good and evil and nearly always, a happy ending.

 

One of my blessings is my life group…we’re small, but we have really clicked together…and shared so much. We are currently going through a Women of Faith study called Cultivating Contentment (ironic isn’t it!). I challenged each of the ladies to begin a gratitude journal and everyone has taken the challenge…except me. I think I set myself up last fall with all my lofty goals and plan to transform my life…so I need to start again and be more realistic. But first, I am going to start my gratitude journal here on my blog…

Do you ever feel this way, and if so, how have you pulled yourself together? I’ll have to admit some sunshine and beautiful spring weather would definitely make a difference…this has been the rainiest, coldest winter/spring on record…everything is a month late blooming.

 

If you’ve struggled with depression, or find yourself in a rut and need to start again, I would love to hear from you…to share and encourage each other. I’ve missed blogging. So here today…are five things I’m grateful for:

1. The family of raccoons in the tree behind us…they are nesting so I’m sure we’ll be seeing babies soon.

2. The rhododendrons and azaleas are blooming and are so beautiful.

3. I just finished coordinating a big seminar…a good accomplishment

4. Russell is working today!

5. My IPod…I’m loving all the fabulous music. I need to put together a playlist of happy music.

 

Goodbye to Duck

Weight issues are something that most of my family, including me, battle. My Mom was overweight and died in 1993 at the age of 52 of a heart attack, and I'm sure being overweight contributed to her early death.  On Monday night, Kevin Duckworth, a former Portland Trailblazer, died at the age of 44. He was known as the "Duck" and was a gentle giant, with a shy smile. He too battled weight issues all his life. He was one of my favorites from that wonderful Portland Trailblazers team from the early 90's which included Clyde Drexler, Terry Porter, Buck Williams and Jerome Kersey. Kevin Duckworth was spending his summer working for the Portland Trailblazers as an "ambassador", conducting basketball youth camps throughout the state - doing what he loved most...basketball, kids and being outdoors. Given my family history and my own weight struggles, Kevin's death hit me hard - he was younger than I am...and gave me renewed incentive to continue my own battle to lose weight. I started Nutrisystem this week and have lost three pounds so far...the food is less than fabulous but for now, I will stick with it and get some momentum. This is yet another reminder of how precious life is and how important it is to make the most of each moment...to live life to the fullest and to take care of ourselves. May God bless his family as they grieve the passing of this wonderful man...

A New Baby Elephant

The Portland Zoo has a new baby…weighing in a 286 pounds…a darling little elephant. His entry into the world wasn’t without stress and concern for his life. His Mama, Rose-Tu, is a first time mother and she was in labor for nearly two days (after 22 months of pregnancy), which is enough to make any female cranky and out of sorts. It is normal for a mother elephant to “kick” her baby to get him breathing and up on his feet, but Rose-Tu kept kicking this little bundle until zoo-keepers could get the baby out of her way…24 hours later, Mom and Son, under the watchful eye of the zoo-keepers, are doing better together.

The latest news article, from OregonLive says: “Nearly a full day after Rose-Tu and her traumatized calf were reunited Sunday following his birth, the two were behaving more and more today as a healthy mother and son elephant should. The calf squalled whenever he was hungry, and his mom allowed him to nurse. He nursed so much that two thirds of his meals came directly from her and only one third had to be supplemented with a formula made especially for baby Asian elephants. The calf meandered in and out of his mother's enormous legs and she didn't step on him or kick him the way she did as soon as he was born. The calf leaned against her side and she smelled him all over with her trunk. As the touching, pushing and prodding continued in a positive way, zoo keepers slowly loosened some of the restrictions limiting Rose-Tu's behavior and crept further from the interaction. "I'm really pleased to say at this point in time, we've removed many of those restrictions," said Mike Keele, deputy director of the Oregon Zoo, said at an afternoon press conference. The goal is to teach Rose-Tu learn healthy maternal behavior so she may one day take over rearing the infant without assistance from the zoo staff. While there is scant data on what the infant's chance of survival is without her help, baby elephants raised by their mothers fare better than those hand-raised by humans, Keele said.”

Isn't he just the cutest!! Can't wait to go see him.