Musings of an Unfinished Woman

Printer Problems and Pages

I’m having a printer problem which is making me crazy and crabby. Somehow, while printing something from Photoshop Elements yesterday, my new printer communicated to my computer that “normal paper size” is 10x11 and nothing (I mean NOTHING) I’ve done will change it. Was so out of sorts after messing with it last night until almost midnight, so when it became apparent that (a) I wasn’t going to get the issue fixed last night and (b) I was so worked up I wasn’t tired, I decided to clean house. Second night in a row with just four hours of sleep. Thank God for Diet Cherry Dr. Pepper.

Shanna took me to IHop for breakfast this morning. We both love their French Toast. It’s a wonderful thing when your child invites you out to eat AND pays! She had a doctor appointment this morning and then we did a bit of shopping...we are starting to get to that place that I’ve dreamed about for so long...where we’re having a good time together and we’re having real conversations. If you’ve never been to Great Harvest Bakery (the one at Clackamas Promenade is the best) you’re missing out on great sandwiches, bread and cookies. Bought a sandwich and we met Russell for lunch (plus I bought a loaf of honey wheat bread to share with my life group tonight) along with the soup one of the ladies is bringing.

Shanna is having her tattoo surgically removed tomorrow so we’re praying hard that the physician can do this with a minimum of scarring and pain and that she’ll be able to keep her job at UPS until she’s ready to join the Marines and head to boot camp.

My printer went bonkers yesterday while I was working on a digital page for my Yesterday and Today class. I like the idea of digital scrapping but right now, it seems like a lot more work and it takes me forever to figure everything out...usually I'm really good with software programs, but somehow, Photoshop (any version) really flummoxes me. So, back to paper scrapping I go. Have all the lessons printed out in a notebook. Part of the homework was to take an inventory of the pages I've already completed and determine if I like the type and style of my scrapbook pages and what subjects, events, etc. have I not yet scrapped that I want to. It's been an interesting discovery. I've done several hundred layouts of Shanna through the years, quite a few of our Disney trips, have done some "about me" pages, but despite being very happily married for 28 years, haven't really scrapped the story of Russell and I, so that's what I'm choosing to do for this class. One of the other exercises for the class is to come up with a list of pages that I want to do. I've been in a scrapping drought for almost a year and just felt like I had lost my scrapping and creative mojo, but now, I've got a huge list of pages I want to do so I'm back to scrapping again, which makes me very happy!!

Hoping to get my printer issue figured out soon so I can finish my page.

 

 

 

The ugly side of life

This is not a typical blog post full of flowers and praise for my wonderful world. It’s a dose of reality in all of its ugliness but I feel compelled to be honest. Life isn’t all rainbows and sunflowers. Sometimes it’s hurt feelings, angry words, lies and bad behavior.

I just finished reading a truly fabulous book that I highly recommend. It was written by Leigh Anne and Sean Tuohy, titled “In a Heartbeat - Sharing the Power of Cheerful Giving”. If you recognize the names, then you’ve probably seen the movie “The Blind Side” which is one of my all-time favorite movies. This book was an absolutely engaging, powerful book on giving, and the power of one. It was not about how much money you have but what you do with what you have – your money, time and talents. Giving and making a difference in the life of just one person can have far-reaching effects. The book also included a lot of the Tuohy’s philosophy on child-rearing, including making your child be involved in giving back, setting strict limits (and being consistent) in allowing TV time, cell phones and all the other electronic distractions that our so much a part of our world.

I finished the book on Friday afternoon and then we had an “incident” over the weekend which made me wish we had followed our parent’s example and that of the Tuohy’s in raising their children to be more giving and aware of others. The biggest mistake we have made with Shanna is over-indulging her. Like many of her generation, she has entitlement issues, due in part to being the last grandchild on both sides of the family and perhaps due in part to being adopted and us wanting to give this wonderful gift from God all that we didn’t have growing up. Both Russell and I grew up in poor families and our parents worked insane hours to put a roof over our head and food on the table. We had very few luxuries or extras growing up, but both of us have really good memories of our childhoods. My Mom didn’t allow us to watch TV…it was “go outside and play”. We both had jobs by the time we were 12…and we’ve worked our entire lives.

Saturday started badly because we both woke with terrible headaches. We have discovered Excedrin for Migraines (we call them magic pills around here), and even those didn’t help our aching heads. While we were eating breakfast, I asked Russell if he had moved my phone since it wasn’t on the table where I left it. Nope he hadn’t seen it. After several hours of looking for my phone (which isn’t the first time it’s been lost in the last couple of months), I was in tears and upset with myself (because I’m having health problems which include fuzzy brain and forgetfulness), only to discover that Shanna “borrowed it” because her phone had died (from not being charged) and she forgot to return it (she thought that she had). By the time the phone was found and returned, I was exhausted from the unrelenting headache and angry that she took my phone without asking. I had one of those sobbing meltdowns that leave you shaky, exhausted and looking all red and blotchy. I didn't want to be a raving lunatic but that's what I ended up feeling like...yes it's only a phone, but it's mine and I wouldn't ever take hers without asking first.

This incident was a wakeup call to Russell and I that she’s now an adult…and we need to start treating her like one. She’s had a fabulous summer with a trip to southern California, lots of overnights with friends, lazy afternoons at the river, dinners out, etc…and now her graduation money is gone. The reality is that being an adult is hard work and oftentimes really sucks. If you have a small child, I highly recommend the following two books: “Parenting with Love and Logic” and “In a Heartbeat”. Don’t over-indulge your child. Let them earn and work for things they really want – it will mean more to them. Russell and I are both hard-working people with very strong work ethics but somehow we didn’t model that well enough for our child (or maybe it’s lying dormant and will come to light when she gets a job). Show your children how to be responsible and provide them with the example of giving to others.

The book by the Tuohy’s was a powerful, thought-provoking book which has given me a lot to think about (the mistakes we made with Shanna) and my own attitude about giving. The Tuohy’s call it the “power of cheerful giving” and they model it after the lessons from Jesus. I want to be a cheerful giver, to make a difference in the lives of others, to find my purpose in life…so that’s my wish and my prayer. A quote that I love from the book is: “Everyone has a blind side, but a loving heart always sees a path toward true charity”. God, please open my eyes and heart to what you want me to see.

So there you have it…a tale from the dark side of our lives. Back to flowers and other fabulous things tomorrow. 

 

The Differences Between Us

She's my daughter, but looking us, you would never know it. Besides the obvious differences between us…I’m white, she’s black…she’s ultra thin and I’m not…she is a social butterfly, always on the go with scads of friends and I’m a homebody with a few good friends. I love photography and she never takes photos. I’m organized, almost obsessively clean and neat, and she’s not at all. I cry at Hallmark commercials and patriotic songs and she laughs at me when I cry for sentimental reasons. The two of us together is like dynamite and a match...light it up and anything can happen. Thank God that Russell is so calm and easy-going...he's a good balance for (or between) Shanna and I, although she thinks we're hopelessly old-fashioned and boring (her expressions are priceless)!

There is no one on the face of this earth who can push my buttons faster than she can. She has made me feel the gamut of emotions and has caused me more sleepless nights and anxiety-filled moments than anyone else. I have spent hours in prayer, cried till my chest hurt, cheered till my voice was gone and had so many moments of joy and laughter that my mouth hurt from smiling. She has wounded me more than any other person, has made me more proud than anyone ever has and has angered me to the point where I felt out of control. One of the quotes that I read years ago and didn’t really understand until I was a parent was “Making the decision to have a child is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart walking around outside your body.”

Shanna and her friends have been talking for months about taking a road trip to California. No real plans or dates…depending on the moment and who was mad at who, the plan has included anywhere from four to eight friends. Shanna called me yesterday afternoon at 3 pm and said they had worked it out and were planning to leave that night at around 8 pm. It would be Shanna and three friends. The person driving has a nice (reliable) car and they thought they would be gone until Friday or Saturday. One of them has a relative who works at Disneyland and could get them two day passes. So of course, the organized me immediately starts making mental lists and the Mom me starts asking all the questions…who is going, does everyone have enough money, where are you staying, blah, blah, blah. Shanna didn’t even get home last night until almost 9 pm (so obviously they missed the 8 pm departure time). So there I am with my list…do you have Tylenol, sunscreen, band aids, extra shoes, directions, cell phone charger, etc. Yeah Mom, I’ve got it covered. At 11:40 last night, the four of them left. Of course, I went outside, did my “Mom talk”…don’t use your cell phone and drive at the same time, pull over if you get tired, keep the car locked, don’t talk to strangers, please take some pictures for me”…and off they went, all talking at once, music blasting, so excited they were giddy. I would never in a million years have dreamed of taking off on a road trip when I was 18 and even now, at age 50, am a planner and can’t fathom just jumping in the car and leaving without a plan, reservations and map-quested directions.

Parenting is a balancing act…it’s such a hard thing to let her make her own decisions and mistakes. We are in a new phase of parenting and are trying to figure out reasonable rules, curfews and home responsibilities; to know when to step in and help her make decisions and when to let go. No one will ever describe Shanna as being organized, efficient and practical and no one will ever say that I'm spontaneous, free-spirited or adventurous. I want to take a page from Shanna’s life and be more like her and yes, I wish she was a little more like me…but she’s not. And really, I can’t imagine my Shanna girl being any different than she is.

So today I’m praying for her safety and hoping she has the time of her life. One thing we do have in common is that we are Disney fanatics and deep inside, I’m wishing I could throw caution to the wind and take off for a fun trip with just a moments notice. Maybe I’ll make a list about that. Have a good time Shanna girl and remember to take some hat pictures...a family tradition on all our vacations!

The Reality of Life

Life events can be totally crushing to the spirit. I have been unemployed for 10 months and for the last five months, have actively been job-hunting, which is a time-consuming process. Even with 30 years of work experience and good office/computer skills, I am having trouble landing a job.

 

Shanna graduated a couple of weeks ago (look at the joy on her face!) and applied for a job that would have been perfect for her and given her lots of opportunities for advancement. I think as a person ages, we expect or at least brace ourselves for the possibility that our dream or wish won’t come true. Shanna made it through the first several stages of the application process for this job and then took a test yesterday, which she failed. If there are job openings for this particular job in 6 months, she can try again…but for now, she’s absolutely crushed. She pinned all her hopes and plans on that one job and now feels like the bottom has dropped out. She mapped out all her hopes, dreams and plans on this one job. I tend to be a positive, optimistic person but am also realistic and know that finding a job in this market is tough, even for someone like me with good skills. I spend hours ever week looking through job descriptions, sending my resume and cover letter, keeping a log of all my applications.

 

It’s hard for me to remember being 18 and trying to find myself in the world. Like many others, I tried college right after high school and failed miserably. We had just moved from Loveland, Colorado, where I was born and raised, to Portland, Oregon and the culture shock was huge…from a small town to a big city. I wasn’t prepared to enter such a big world. It took me several years to settle down, work a couple of jobs, and then finally go back to school. For many of us, we don’t necessarily follow our dreams as much as fall into a job which becomes our life. While I’ve had some great jobs, they weren’t what I dreamed I would be doing. Sometimes, it’s who you know or being in the right place at the right time. Today’s high school graduates have some tough choices…Shanna isn’t ready for college yet and is looking for that “perfect job”…so am I but I’m realistic enough to know that perfect jobs are hard to find. Being an adult isn’t all it’s cracked up to be…it’s hard work and sometimes, settling for a steady job which pays the bill has to be enough, at least for now. How do I let her know not to give up on her dreams but also, that reality often wins over dreams?

Back on the Net...Dreaming of the Beach

I'm back on the World Wide Internet (as Monk would say). We had an "outage" last Thursday and I've been without my internet since then (we had an internet connection at the beach house we rented last weekend, which is why I was able to update my blog). Other than Diet Coke and scrapbooking, the internet is my "must-have". It's not that I'm on it for hours at a time...I like to get on every couple of hours and check email, catch up on my favorite blogs and now that I have a blog...update it daily!

Our weekend at the beach was fabulous. You know those rare occasions when everything turns out exactly like you wanted it to (thank you Lord)...that's how it was on Friday when we left town. My husband is a UPS driver and rarely gets home before 7. He put in an eight-hour request but they don't always honor those...so I took him to work on Friday morning at 6 am (so I could just pick him up after work and we'd be on our way). By some fluke, the loader for his truck didn't show up so they asked if he wanted to start early and load his own truck...so he started almost two hours early. After work, I got the car loaded, dropped Shanna off at school (she's in the band and had to play at the football game) and picked Russell up at...5:05 pm. We were at the beach by 7:30...with a dinner stop included. I took the picture above through the front windshield while we were driving.

Time alone as a couple is so precious. Pastor George just preached about this last week. I know several couples who never take time together...never go on dates...the kids always come first. It's easy to get so wrapped up in our kids lives and all their activities that we lose ourselves in the process. There is so much pressure on kids now to not just excel in school, but to be involved in sports, extra-curricular activities, service projects, church activities, etc., but when does it become too much? When we adopted Shanna, we made the decision to be a couple first and then parents, not easy to do in this fast-food, drive through, work over-time, cell phones on all the time, stay connected, fill up your calendar world that we live in...so it was wonderful to just be a couple for a weekend.

Oceanside, Oregon is fairly remote, so we didn't have cell phone service, so no interruptions from our daughter (Natalie, a wonderful young woman from our church stayed with Shanna for the weekend). Russell and I have been married almost 26 years...I am so blessed to love and be loved by such a wonderful man...we have so much fun together...he really does complete me (he doesn't look like he's almost 50 years old does he!?).

If you've never been to the ocean, there's no way to describe how incredible it is...so calming, invigorating, beautiful, healing...I don't have enough adjectives to adequately describe the ocean - it truly is one of God's most beautiful creations (in my opinion). This weekend confirmed for both of us that we have a dream to live at the beach and to own a beach retreat home...so we're giving that dream to God. We would love to offer a comfortable, intimate setting...not just for scrapbookers and crafters...but a retreat home for couples, women's and men's groups, pastoral staff retreats, etc. I asked in an earlier blog post what you would want in a beach retreat home - and would still love to hear your thoughts on what you have loved or hated about a vacation home.

Do you have a favorite place that you escape to...somewhere that gives you the same sense of peace and renewal that the beach does for me? Happy Wednesday...it's good to be back on the net...

Saxophone Lessons and Parenting Dreams

As parents, we all think our child is capable of achieving anything and secretly dream that our child is the next Einstein, Michael Jordan or Dave Koz. And yes, there are the parents who do have one of those...but for most of us, our kids are just average kids who, if we're lucky and they work hard, will do well in at least one or two classes at school. Shanna had a promising future in both track (where she beat the district record in the 100 yard dash) and in basketball until she dislocated her knee and spent a year in physical therapy. It was a crushing disappointment to her to find out that the possibility of reinjury was a good possibility, but fortunately, she also had music in her life.

She's started playing the clarinet in the sixth grade until we traded it in for an alto sax, which was her heart's desire (the picture is Shanna with her "new" saxophone that we got her for Christmas 2006...she's got the pose down!). Shanna started private saxophone lessons today One thing about my daughter...she hates trying new things and hates change...so she was less than thrilled when we told her we were signing her up for private lessons. This instructor, who is also a professional musician, has been playing for 30 years and comes highly recommended. He's also a Christian, which is a plus in my book and he requires a lot from his students. Shanna took private lessons for about two months last year and the instructor didn't really teach her anything, didn't require any "at home" work...so we stopped the lessons. So it was with some reluctance on her part that we walked into the studio today, and of course, she was prepared to dislike the instructor.

I decided to stay and sit in on this first lesson and I'm so glad I did (it was tempting to leave since my favorite scrapbook store is only half-mile away!!). I could tell by the middle of the lesson, as she was asking questions, learning new fingering techniques, etc. that she was relaxing. As the mother of a teen (girl), you know that if you ask them too many questions or say the wrong thing, they just clam up...so I was careful to not say or ask too much as we walked out to the car. She was highly complimentary of the instructor and is excited about learning from him. She has decided to audition for the state competition...she has three very difficult pieces to learn in the next three weeks, but she's willing to give it a try and her instructor is going to devote part of her lessons to helping her with her audition music...so we're making an investment in her future and so...for tonight at least, I'm dreaming that my girl is the next John Coltrane...anything is possible...