Yesterday was one of those emotional weepy days that we women sometimes have. I had a doctor appointment with a rheumatologist, my first visit with this doctor. To be honest with you, I was looking forward to the appointment, hoping that I would get some answers about why I’ve been feeling so crappy. It was definitely not my best doctor appointment ever. I absolutely love my primary care doctor, my nephrologist and my gastroenterologist (who knew I would have so many ologist’s in my life!). She was critical of my current treatments with my regular doctors, kept asking if my left eye was “bulging” out, which is an indication of Graves Disease, etc. I love Kaiser and have received excellent care, so was a bit taken aback by her bedside manner. My veins aren’t that great so it took three tries before they could find a big enough vein to fill eight vials of blood. In the last three weeks, I’ve had more than 20 vials of blood work done!
By the time I left Kaiser, I was upset and didn’t feel I had any answers at all. Last year, Russell took me to a lovely park in an area of town I’m not familiar with...it is Peninsula Park and Rose Garden. It is one of Portland’s older parks and features original lantern-style streetlights, stone pillars, beautiful brick walkways and walls and a 100 year old fountain in the center of a rose garden. Not just any rose garden but a 2 acre garden with almost 9000 rose bushes. Since taking Karen Russell’s photography class, I have been taking my camera with me. Even though it was cloudy with a chance of rain, I decided to stop at the park and “smell the roses” with my camera. One of the unexpected things I have discovered through the weeks of Karen’s class is that photography has the power to take me to a place of peace and tranquility. I spent over an hour wandering through the gardens, taking photos, enjoying the sight and smell of so many beautiful flowers and I was able to relax and let go...for awhile at least.
When I got home, I made the mistake of reading the literature that the doctor had given me on “possible diagnoses”. I was feeling so bruised and upset and couldn’t talk to Russell since he was driving the truck with a supervisor. You know how one thing can just make everything seem worse than it is...that’s how my afternoon went. Finally pulled myself together and tried to scrapbook, but when Russell was able to call it was to tell me he would be late getting home, which put me over the edge again, so I was rude to him. We rarely fight so having been rude and snippy to the one person who loves me unconditionally made me feel like a shrew. I’m thankful to have such a wonderful husband, who loves me in spite of my faults.
So...happy Friday! A few more photos from my walk in the garden. Have a great weekend! One of the photos I took yesterday was a piece of graffiti written on a brick wall...it says: "Try 2 Stop Me" and so that's my motto for today. I am choosing to stay positive and happy. In the words of Anne Shirley “today is a new day with no mistakes in it”. I don’t like being negative and weepy...it’s so exhausting. Being happy and positive is much easier, so I threw away the literature from the doctor and will wait until test results come back to face whatever diagnosis there is.